Damn it, I'm getting it this year!

I know I wasn't the only one who was deprived of that special gift at Christmas time! Growing up I always managed to be on Santa's good list during the year, but Christmas after Christmas, I kept getting crappy gifts! Sure, I always wore the Superman/Spiderman or car/truck underwear that mom or auntie gave me! Yeah, it was handy, but c'mon! Where was the surprise? Where was the reward for behaving so good throughout the entire year? Like when the Transformers were popular and I just loved the show...where in the hell was my Optimus Prime toy! Was it too much to ask for? The deal between parents and kids was already established...and quite simple! Behave in school, get good grades, don't curse and help out...and you would be rewarded, right! That was the deal and time after time, I fulfilled my part, so please explain to me what the hell was I going to do with a board game that I got two Christmas ago and had not played with since two weeks after getting it!

So this year, I'm getting what I want!
Okay, so what if it was when I was eight, ten, twelve...so what!!

I'm gettin'em and you can't stop me!

1. Atari 2600, Colecovision, Nintendo or Super Nintendo!

Ya know it was no fun always having to go to someone else’s house to play video games and be told it was time to leave right at the best part! I wanted to shoot the birds on Duck Hunt too!


2. G.I. Joe - Snake Eyes
Yeah, Snake Eyes was the coolest of all of the G.I Joe characters...and he never said a word!

3. Etch-A-Sketch
The old one, not the new one with the sweet frame! I want the one that was truly simple and really took you months to make something worth looking at, only to have it magically erased by someone loving relative!

4. Transformer- Optimus Prime
The real ones! Not these Beast Wars crap, that make kids confused for two years only to learn there was a recall put out on that toy!


5. Thundercats- All of'em with there accessories,"Thundercats, Thundercats..hooooo"
I think I can get these pretty cheap if I can find them. Can you say "Ebay”?

6. Comic Books- I want some old ones! I don't even care what it is, just something that's old! Just maybe my reading level would have improved with a book family!

7. Remote Control Car- year after year I craved for one of these! I don't mean the one from the Dollar Store, but a quality one! One that didn't break when it ran over Barbie! A nice sturdy one!

yeaaahhhh baby!

Take this shyt back:

1. Lite-Brite.....I'm a boy you ass!! If it didn't come attached to some cool construction hat, then don't give that shyt to me! You know like R. Kelly in that Honey Love video!!

2. Sweaters- WTF is the fascination with parents buying ugly sweaters and forcing kids to put'em on! And it's not like they were just ugly from a kid’s perspective, other parents were saying, "That's what you get for being bad"

3. Easy-Bake oven----again, I'm a boy, were you trying to give me sexual complex issues! Hell, that oven wasn't even good for making mud pies! Just ask your sister and she still can't cook!

4. Lego's- Look if you weren't getting me at least a 1000 piece set of Lego's, what the hell did you think I was going to make! One box of Lego's just ended up with a windowless house, the shyt just didn't work and the pieces just ended up in the Easy-Bake oven anyway with the Lite-Brite pieces.

5. Army men pieces- I wasn't trying to plan a full-scale attack on the school bully, so what the fuck was the motionless green plastic army men for? See if you gave me enough Lego's then I could have built a real fortress, artillery post, airplanes, and bombs...instead, these army men became chewing toys for the dog!

6. Ken Doll- Again with the confusion of sexual orientation! Why would a little boy play with a male Barbie Doll! Get that shyt out of there! I had game at seven, so I didn't need Ken to help me out with the girls, hell his own girl was confused...and she still is confused to this day! By the way, where the hell is Ken at now! Bet ya never heard about the divorce, but Ken just magically disappeared! (I think she left him for a Surfer Dude) No wonder why Barbie started working so much!


So Santa that's my list...and if I get some coal, I'm puttin you on my "Oh, I'm a fuck you up" list along with D4L, Wife Swap, T.O, Ron Artest, Maury Povich, that "My Hump" song, and the Detroit Lions!!


Until Next time...